This thing called "Life"

When I was younger, I thought of my life like a movie and I wanted it to be this box office hit with me as the leading lady. As a result, I tried to plan out my life minute for minute. I wanted my life to be perfect so when I looked back at it years down the line, I could play it back to myself like this picture-perfect movie. For a while, I would say I was pretty successful.

Ultimately, I decided I did not want my life to be this scripted, well thought-out story board so I told myself to be a little more spontaneous and exciting and a little less planned. I started to take risks, like move to New York City and date people I never thought to date because they didn't fit the typical "leading male" role. I thought I finally had it down, but then I realized I was doing only what I thought would be considered "spontaneous" when in fact they were actually very premeditated, really thought out, over-analyzed and assessed multiple times to account for the range of outcomes, benefits, consequences, and potential margin of error.

A few months have passed and many things and aspects in my life are no longer "perfect". At first, I panicked because I thought EVERYTHING was falling apart, but then I realized not EVERYTHING had fallen apart, just a few things had been shaken up. At a time when nothing seemed to be going right, I finally acknowledged that this was and is life - my life. Nothing is ever really going to be absolutely perfect, and if they are (or seem to be), it is unlikely and unnatural for it to be perfect forever. Things will happen - some things we plan for, others we don't. Events will take place that will stir our emotions and, good or bad, all we can do is accept them.

I've decided to start blogging and actually proceed to publish the posts (I used to just type them up for my own self gratification, save them, read them over to myself, and delete them) so when I read them back to myself years down the time, or maybe just a few months, weeks or days, I can really appreciate this thing called "life". I am excited, yet scared for what's to come. For once, things in my life are not exactly as I would like or as I imagined they would be and I am not frantically trying to "fix" it. I accept that there are things I am not in control of and life, unfortunately yet fortunately, is one of them. So here I go.. this is my life in progress.